I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
