apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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