I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
