i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
