I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
