The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Let's get the cat blown out
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
