Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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