i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
