You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
COCAINE IS GR8
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
