This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
