High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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