man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
