i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
