I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
