He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
