Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
