i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
