he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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