I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
