It's just like the Real World with babies
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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