and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
