I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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