Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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