just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
