Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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