You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
