I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i drank out of a bidet.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
