theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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