I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
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