Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
