A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Someone signed my nipple.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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