Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm really busy with my period
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