nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
