he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
