i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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