But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize