God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
