And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
