I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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