Whod you bang
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize