Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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