9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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