I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I touched a dick in church today
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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