..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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