You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
