Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
