Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize