Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Enjoy the penises
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
