tell your sister to shave her snatch
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
