I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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