Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
