my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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