im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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