honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
