Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
