I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
