Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
