I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
