I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
