I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
your room smells of hookers.
And success
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
