Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
