i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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