You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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