So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
