Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I need help removing her.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My breasts were aching with rage.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
