Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
