Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
