There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
