Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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