The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We had sex on a dog bed..
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
