its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
