Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
