What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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