im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
