only if we run a train.
done.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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