I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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