I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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