Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
