I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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