how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
