Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
