that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
