Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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