Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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