He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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