One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
sex in a hospital.. check
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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